We have done EXTENSIVE research …compiled all of the data …quadruple confirmed it in a criss-cross-apple-sauce, double-blind, double-mint study…submitted it for peer review …and here are the 2 FACTS we have discovered:
1) YOU NEED A MASSAGE!
2) YOU KNOW SOMEONE THAT NEEDS A MASSAGE!
So, in the interest of Public Health, we are IMMEDIATELY issuing a #GirlBossOrder (similar to an Executive Order, except it’s from a #GirlBoss). Here are the details of #GirlBossOrder Number 143:
WHEREAS, Mothers, Fathers, Mother’s Mothers, Mother’s Fathers, Father’s Mothers, Father’s Fathers, (ugh, you get the point) have been SUPER stressed out; and
WHEREAS, these are UNPRECEDENTED Times (I’ve come to loathe that word); and
WHEREAS, there is so much UNCERTAINTY (and that word); and
WHEREAS, there is a NEW NORMAL (what does “normal” even
mean?); and
NOTE from BigSpoon: Ok, geez, enough already…
NOW, THEREFORE, by the authority vested in me as #GirlBoss, IT IS ORDERED:
The establishment of a Recovery Package for Mothers, Fathers, and anyone else that has ever had a Mother and/or Father. You can purchase it via “Touchless” PayPal…and it NEVER expires. So, if you’re not comfortable using it now, it will give you something to look forward to (and we ALL need that!).
The “Mothers and Fathers Inclusive Package” (aka “MF’in Package”):
- • 30 min – Massage by an AWESOME licensed therapist ($40 Retail Value)
- • 30 min – Infrared Sauna with Chromatherapy ($30 Retail Value)
- • 10 min – Red-Light/Whole-Body-Vibration/Oxygen ($15 Retail Value)
- • 20 min – Massage Chair w/ Salt & Aromatherapy ($30 Retail Value)
90min Services + 30min transitions = 2 HOURS of RECOVERY
Retail Value: $115
Emotional Value: PRICELE$$
Promotional Pricing: $69 for ONE MF’in Package -or- $129 for TWO
Please purchase using the links below…or call us, asap, to secure your MF’in Package… packages are limited: 704-800-3036
>>>Click to Order 1 x MF’n Package – $69 Promotional Price<<<
>>>Click to Order 2 x MF’n Packages – $129 Promotional Price<<<
***MEMBERS: As you know, your cost for the package described above is less than half of the $69 Promotional Price, so don’t use the links in this email if you’re purchasing for personal use. If you’d like to purchase a package to give as a gift, we’ll extend your 20% discount to the Promotional Price! Member Pricing to give as gift: $55 for ONE MF’in Package -or- $103 for TWO.
>>>Click to Order 1 x MF’n Package as Gift – $55 MEMBER Price<<<
>>>Click to Order 2 x MF’n Packages as Gifts – $103 MEMBER Price<<<
This #GirlBossOrder is effective at 5:00 pm on June 14, 2020, and shall remain in effect through 5:00 pm on July 3, 2020.
We look forward to seeing you!!
IN WITNESS WHEREOF (Yours in Health and Recovery),
Christy, Marcy, Sara, Meaghan, Erin, and Jenna
The Staff of Balanced Body Solutions
***Note: Don’t giggle every time you say “MF’n Package”…I bet you know some MF’ers that could really use this!!
